Dispensable.

I am not dispensable.
Not a piece of junk you can just throw away.
Nor an old paper napkin
Dirty and torn
Stained
Meaningless.
No.
That is not me.
I am not a temporary distraction
I am not your toy.
And I refuse
To play
Your game.
No,
Not anymore.
I cannot allow you to take
Your soft rubber stamp
Dip it into that permanent
Crimson red ink
And brand my forehead
"Second Best"
Right there.
Stamped on my face
Then scratched into my arms
Sewn onto my throat
Etched onto the surface of my eye.
You think it brings me pleasure?
To love you with all that I am
And see you stand by me
But never next to me
Meanwhile all I see is blurred
Blurred by the etching of your words.
"Disposable"
"Dispensable"
"Not quite good enough"
I can't just forget it
I can't let it go.
I cannot stay here on the sidelines
Taking the backseat in my own life
Invisible
Unnoticed
I will not be second best
It hurts me
With a pain I cannot quite describe
Every breath I take
Shakes. Strains.
Struggles
Against the oppressing chains you have bound me in
Suffocating my neck
That chain
Made up link by link
Of lie
After lie
After lie.
And every beat
Of my weakened and yearning heart
S l o w s .
Fa lters.
quiets
Bleeds.
From the gaping hole
That now exists
From the hacking and slicing
That your words have caused
Can you see it now?
Can you see how I bleed?
How my frame shakes with pain
I am worth so much more
So much more than this
This torturous injury
I am more important
Than your secondary label
I cannot be just
Just
The backup plan.
I will not be used
I refuse to be unneeded.
If I am not enough
I will simply
Go.
I will clear out my small
And forgotten place in your heart
Making room for another
Who can fulfill all your needs
I will not return
To this hellish ordeal
You will move on
With only perhaps
A blink
At my departure
My absence might touch you
But it will not move shake you.
But
I will be
free.
From you. And the pain
That you've caused
And you?
You will stay here.

Alone.